Poems to me are a way to express my feelings. If there is a certain thing that I'm feeling bad about or depressed about, I just suddenly pull up my laptop and start ranting and spewing out the thoughts from inside of my brain. Blogs can sometimes be like that for me, too.
The poem that I got the award for, "The Loser's Club", was written during the beginning of my sophomore year. I was depressed because in retrospect I saw that I never did have any actual friend, or any "BFF"s.
I really don't like sharing this poem, but I guess I'll do it. I've only shown it to a couple of people outside of my family, but because it won the Gold Key award and because it's thoughts spewed onto paper, I'll let y'all read it.
*WARNING DEPRESSING CONTENT
**I forbid anyone from talking face to face about me with this poem
***WARNING PERSONAL CONTENT
The Loser’s Club
Ever wonder what it’s like
to be that one girl who doesn’t have any friends?
Well, let me tell ya.
Sometimes you sit and cry at home
complaining to you mom on how
you wish someone could just show up
and instantly be your best friend.
You might say,
of course you have a best friend.
But I would say,
She’s rude, and has no filter.
She doesn’t think things through
and complains too much.
I watch out for her, but I wouldn’t consider her
to be my best friend.
So I say no, I don’t really have any friends.
But you might say,
but you are friends with some of the boys.
But I would say
Are they interested in the things I am in?
No! Of course not, although
they are more logical than girls.
Here’s another fact about my kind:
You wish you could be accepted
as the person you are.
I have a hard time doing that,
because people think I’m strange,
and so it’s hard for me to open up
my true personality.
But in reality, I’m just like them.
I yearn to have them accept me.
You might say, but our school is very accepting.
But I would say,
You’re not on the other side of the hidden crack.
Don’t talk about things you don’t know.
Or you might say,
Bullying is forbidden at our school.
Of course people would accept you.
But I would say,
Just because bullying is eliminated,
it doesn’t mean anything.
You can still be judged.
And silent judgement is what I fear worst of all.
We, or at least I am afraid,
that people talk about me as
an alien from a different planet,
saying “Wow. She’s so good at music.
Did you hear her at choir the other day?
Non of us can do that.”
“I just listen to her for help.”
It’s like I’m being inspected from all the sides
that I don’t want to be inspected from.
I wish they could say,
“Hey, she seems cool. Do you want to invite her for lunch?”
or “I want to see what kind of person she is.
She seems lonely, and I want to get to know her better.”
Some people just don’t know
what it’s like to be at the other end
of the scale. On on side, judged.
On the other side, judged.
The only difference is,
the people on the popular side
judge you on your good traits,
and everyone else judges you
on everything you don’t want them to.
Then they file you under loser.
And if you are, congrats.
You are in “The Loser’s Club”.
Sometimes in my misery,
I joke to myself how I should start a club like that at school.
How there will be almost no one there
except for desperate people like me.
I believe that the only way to get into the popular club
is to dress up to par with modern trends.
I don’t do that, and feel it unnecessary.
Think about it: showing you butt is cute?
Just think about it, it’s ridiculous.
And on top of that, you also have to wear cosmetics
which again, I don’t feel like it’s necessary.
It also doesn’t help that I
am part of the oldest ones in my grade,
turning 16 in October makes you look more like a mom, to them.
And guess what?
I’m not going to be having a “sweet 16”
due to the fact that I don’t have any
able-bodied friends around
or just friends in general.
And on top of that,
it’s going to be the first year ever
without having a birthday party.
How depressing is that?
It really sinks my spirits like the Titanic
when I think about it.
And I can’t really change that, since
my birthday is coming up quickly.
In my retrospections, I found that
I have actually never had someone to call my BFF.
I have a “friend forever”, but we have gone in and out
of the communication circle.
Every time I have thought I’ve gotten
a best friend, they disappeared
or we just stopped talking just like that.
You know you’re an alien when the only time they talk to you
is when they need help on homework,
or just help in general.
It’s hard, being part of the Loser’s Club.
You might ask, what’s it like being a non popular person?
Then I would say, no. I’m a loser, not a non popular.
You know what it’s like being a loser?
You answer that.
